Self evaluation

Johnastine Pantra, omi

Self evaluation

22 May 2020

Life story

I am Johnastine Pantra. My father’s name is Peter Nafak and mother’s name is Jorina Jacinta Pantra. They are still alive. My parents are aged enough. I have six sisters and three brothers. My one elder sister and another brother immediate younger of me have passed away. All of my sisters are got married and one brother also married. One elder brother is still unmarried. Two of my sisters are housewife and one of them husband is died. One sister is working in Gazi industries and another elder sister is a nurse and another elder sister is a beautician. One of my elder brother is working Padma tank industries. Another elder is living with his own family. I belong to Garo ethnic group. I am from Sohagpur under Joljholia parish and Mymensingh Diocese. All my family members’ are catholic.

My parents are simple, prayerful, helping minded, loving, giving service in the local church and society. I have seen them doing some charitable work. Simple and charitable, prayer life and helping minded these qualities are in me of my parents. Since I belong to an ethnic group and ethnic group love to live in community life, sharing with other and helping in need of others and always love to be in group. The good virtue of society naturally influences me; such as sharing, caring, community minded helping and co-operative.

Friendship always helps me to grow positive. Those who were my class mates studied together among them, one of them is my best friend who is always helping to go forward in my life and always want my good.  But I have a balanced and a good relationship with my entire class mates.  All my family members are good friend. They are friendly with me and helping me to grow and encourages in vocation life. I was one of the members of prayer leading in my villages praying and leading the prayer when I was young. Though people now a days very rarely pray.  I also participated in the YCS in my school life and co-operating doing social works in YCS.  All the activities I was involved and I participated in different activities, helps me to grow positively. Those activities are more inspiring and encouraging. It also helps me to grow in integrated human. It has formed me psychologically, intellectually, spiritually and human.  

2. Character and personality

I am a psychosomatic, spiritual and integrated normal human. There is an opportunity to grow and develop my character and personality with myself. Therefore I have to be more humble and trust in God who can form and mould me.   

 Strong and weak points

  Strength

      1 Simple

2.      Prayerful

3.      Like to play football and basketball

4.      Helping minded

5.      Listen to others

6.      Good enough at English

7.      Community minded

8.      Charitable

9.      sharing minded

10.  meditative

11.  studious enough

12.  sociable

13.  can read well Bangla and English

14.  polite and Patient

15.  humble

16.  Open minded

17.  Hard working enough

18.  A good skill in computer

19.  Apostolic minded

20.  Co-operative.

 weak

1.      Calm in nature

2.      Introvert

3.      Hardly lazy

4.      very often shares

5.      sometimes indifferent

6.      Don’t want to get help from others

7.      Don’t care other

8.      Feel shine to share

9.      Individualistic to own concept

10.  Anger enough

11.  Suppressive

12.  Not  sociable enough

13.  Sometimes not studious

14.  Sometimes not humble

15.  Stubborn

16.  Not open minded

17.  Most of the times keeps Silence

18.  Mediocre student

19.  Has to emphasize in prayer life

20.   Has to be more cooperative

 I feel listening, patient and silence nature are my strong point. God is handing me with this virtue of me to be with the faithful and I think it will help me in the apostolic and pastoral work.  I have to overcome my laziness, introvert and wrath.  I have to be more sharing and co-operative minded.  I am becoming more sociable, community minded and sharing enough with community members. These are the little change within me. Sharing, community bond, helping one another, concern for community members, prayer life and fraternal corrections these positive qualities are helping me to grow.

2.1 Emotional life

I perceive my emotional feelings positive. I as a human person have full of emotions. Emotions make me energy and a joy person in community life.  I express my emotions in positive action, loving my brother. Emotions are ways and means to show compassion and responsibility and sensibility to one another. All emotions such as Love, anger, happiness, feelings, moment of joy, I integrate with my life sharing these emotions with my fellow brother. There are some contradictories, I always put it into Gods hands and with the prayer I resolve it and I prioritize to others concept and I value my concept too. Of course there are some moment that is very bitter and negative feelings. I always try to turn the negative feeling into positive feeling. It is hard enough but it is possible with prayer and love of Jesus Christ. I can turn my negative feeling into positive with the prayer of love.

2.2 Relationship to other people

Every man is created in the image of God. It is also true that personality of every man is unique from each other. I feel and realize that every people is a lesson for me, because each person is created uniquely. People are helping me in various ways. They help me not only in a positive ways but their negative ways and attitudes and behaviors too help me to think in positive. In the spirit of Jesus Christ, in spite of behaving negative with the people who behave very badly, I will behave as much as good with them. I convey Prayer, love, humility and patience, every moment good to the people who behave negative with me. Usually when someone shows insincerity, dishonest and injustice there is something lacking in the person. It may be lacking of formation and discipline. Therefore I must show sincerity and respect one who is insincere to me, honesty to dishonest, and justice to the injustice.  I have to love and pray for them in the spirit of Jesus Christ for the radical conversion.

3. Spiritual direction

Spiritual direction is a guide line in my vocation life. Fr. Srijon John Chinapanai SJ is my spiritual director. I meet my spiritual director every other month since my spiritual director is professor and sometimes he is busy and leave for India for class and if necessary sometimes I meet twice in month. Spiritual direction is very helpful for me. I am getting much more benefit from spiritual direction. I share freely to my spiritual director. He is helping me a lot to grow in the spiritual life and he is directing and guiding me on the right way. Sometimes I appoint myself for the spiritual direction regularly, I am unable to meet my spiritual direction because of business of studies. The aim of my spiritual direction to share my spiritual crisis, feeling and to get spiritual benefits, to be guided in the line of Jesus Christ.  I expect from my spiritual direction to listen me more and he listening me intact.

3.1 Religious Spirit in my family

My parents are parents are spiritual person. They pray rosary and attend to Sunday Mass since my home is far from parish for daily mass. I have seen my family that love for humanity. Love of Jesus and Devotion to Mother Mary is the religious spirit.   I nurture and nourish this spirit of religious of my family.

God is merciful, forgivable and loving; he is just too.  He is Father who takes care of me. So I address him as my Father. A Father who directs to right way, takes up when I fall and He ignore my sins. I am under his immense immeasurable mercy and forgiving and love.  Prayer is a means to dialogue and conversation with God. Prayer is not enough to love God, what I pray I have to put it into action. I have to work for the need of the miserable people and carry the word of him by doing the charitable work.

3.2 My spirituality

I pray personally to God to grow in spiritual life.  What I feel and realize that prayer is not enough to enrich my spirituality. Besides that I must integrate my life with prayer and action. What I pray I must pray do. Loving God is not enough; I must love man and nature too. So I serve God loving humanity. Every single action is spirit of God. Therefore as religious my actions have to seen the presence of Jesus Christ. I serve God, listening, being patient, giving some good instructions/advices, being obedient and caring, praying for the faithful.

I read some spiritual books. Those are The Holy Bible, Henry Nowan’s Pilgrimage, blessed life, `Seeking the Holy in all Things’ by Melanie Svoboda, SND, `The Priesthood by John Chrysostom’ I also read books for my spiritual thirst and to increase my spiritual knowledge.  I read Henry Nouwen’s book and other writer’s books too.  Famous book of Henry Nouwen’s book ‘ Living in the spirit’ , I read this year. Spiritual life is here and now.

3.3 Man Points of My spirituality

3.3.1 God: God is merciful, loving and forgivable to me. I firmly believe he loves me and forgives me. God never spares me. Once I was seriously sick, suffering from lungs problems and water came in my lungs. It was terrible that I could not sleep, eat and It suffocating me and I was coughing terribly too. I prayed to Him badly. I was identified with proper disease. I got a proper treatment and cure soon. I feel from my heart it is a  God grace who saves me. It is my God experience of my life.

My favorite parts of the Bible are Matthew Chapter 5 to 7. I love These because It instructs me to live in God’s way.  

3.3.2 Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ savior and true friend of me. He saves me from sins. He forgives my sins and loves me. He journeys with me in my whole life. He is center of my life. His merciful and forgiving picture I prepared most in my life. “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  John 14:15 God is love revealed in Jesus Christ. Love that makes me easy to do any work. I experience Him every day in the Holy Eucharist. He heals me when I am in terrible crisis. So He is my healer.

Holy spirit is always helping me guiding me and inspiring me in my vocations.

3.3.3 Church

The Church is whole community of faithful. She is mother; taking care always her children. She is holy, one, catholic and apostolic. The Church is Body of Christ who people of worship. I love the Church. My religious life is sacrificed for the Church and to serve the Church. It is my most beloved family.

3.3.4 Eucharist  

Eucharist is the source of my spiritual life. It is the highest liturgy in priesthood life. It is my desire to offer Eucharist one day as an oblate priest. Living Jesus Christ presents in the Eucharist. It is remembering the life of Jesus in which he has given for us his body and blood. So Eucharist is the highest summit prayer to me. I feel presence of Jesus in Word of God, Body and blood.

3.3.5 Word of God

The Word of God is the living presence of God and Jesus Christ. It gives me alive and vivid witness of God and Jesus as the Son God as well as Man. The word of God is everyday food that gives me life. It is summit and source of my whole life. I listen every day the Word of God in my daily Mass. I read too sometimes.  

3.3.6 Prayer and spiritual life

I love to pray. It is the prayer which gives me strength and power in my vocation life. I am regular in community prayer and the Liturgy of Hours.  It is the Church prayer that I am praying with the whole Church. Liturgy of the hours is a prayer that I am praying with all catholic members and with the church. Moreover that it is a personal food for my spiritual life. It also makes a communitarian prayer in the community life, so it is community prayer, praising God together with community members.

3.3.7 Sharing the faith

I share my friend in the community and with my spiritual director. I also share my faith with people of God during the prayer service whenever I get opportunity to share.

3.3. 8 Conversion and personal prayer

Conversion/Oraison is very personal communicative prayer with Lord Jesus Christ. Just in silence, spending with the Lord Jesus Christ.  It really gives us mental and inner peace in heart and some shorts of orgasm in the heart and mind by spirit of Oraison. It helps us to center Jesus Christ in my life.  It strengthens my spiritual life more. Examination of Conscious is reflection of daily life. It improves me to change my life and enrich my spirituality.  I celebrate sacrament of reconciliation every month.

3.3.9 Devotion to Mother Mary

I love to pray to Mother Mary. She is mother for whole humanity. I recite Rosary with the community besides that I also personally recite the Holy Rosary. The saints are model of my life; I am inspired with their life witness and spirituality. They are my friend of inspiration of my spiritual life. St Eugene is very close to me since I am one of the sons of Him. He is still guiding me in the spirit. May His spirit exit in me.

4  My Oblate Vocation

When I was studying in high school, I expressed my desire to become a priest. I communicated  to a holy cross brother who was my teacher.  He gave me the address of oblate formation house. I also heard about oblate from vocation camp and from my Friends. After hearing that Oblates are working for the poor and their motto is option for the poor that attracts me to join to the Oblate. So I wrote a letter to the director and he replied me to participate in the “COME AND SEE”  programme. I participated in Come and See programme in 2004 after my SSC examination. I was joined in the oblate juniorate in 2004, in May. I did my special English course and Catechism. After completing course, I got admitted to Notre Dame College. I did my graduation in the same college. Now I am directly experiencing oblate way of life.  I love oblate.  Love for crucified Jesus, the Church, the poor and Mother Mary, these corresponds to my life, I love and have an ardent desire to be an oblate and to serve Jesus as an oblate. I am discovering my oblate vocation more and more as I am journeying with fellow oblate brother.  I have an ardent desire to be an oblate priest.  I want to evangelize the poor as well as missionary.

4.1 My Oblate Vocation today

I have consciously discerned and decided to become an oblate religious priest.  I carry the same spirit of my vocation that I got for the first time. It is my zeal and fervent will to become an oblate. I am discovering more and more my oblate religious vocation. I also bear the oblate spirituality, specially love for the poor people, giving service in the peripheries for the poor, preaching the Good News to the poor etc.

4.2 My temporary profession in the Oblate 

Prenovitiate: January 9, 3013

Novitiate: 21 August 2013

First Profestion: 9 August 2014,  8 August -015,  7 August -016, 8 August -017,  8 August -018, 8 August -019. 

Lectorship: 22 October 2016

Acolyteship: 24 February 2017

Apostolic Exposure: 17 July 2017-8 July 2018 (Luxmipur Parish and Mogaipar Parish)   

5 Apostolic Community lives

Apostolic community is living together for the mission of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the centre of the apostolic community. Jesus leads the apostolic community. In our Oblate community, it is by nature to live in the community. So I also love to live in community life actively. I personally enjoy our community life. All the members of the community are cooperative and helping each other. It is the community that helps me to grow integral.  I love and like to be in community.  Beautiful thing in the community is that sharing the joys and sorrows which increase our joys more and decrease our sorrows. In the community, I can pray together, work together, eat together and share love of God with one another.   Community makes me hope in my oblate life.  I am happy in the community.  

5. 1 Apostolate exposure

I did my apostolic exposure with sincerity in Luxmipure parish ad Mogaipar parish. It helped me a lot to discover my vocation more and more. I had a good apostolic experience and apostolic community in the parish. It was a golden opportunity to be with the people and learnt from them.  As a future priest, it was very helpful to me to do the apostolic work. It really made me  pastoral minded and helped me how to serve the people and how to be with them. Apostolic people also helped me how I should be as a professed brother. I enjoyed my apostolic pastoral work.

6 Oblate Mission and vision

My mission and vision is voice to voiceless and justice and peace for the poor people. To be the missionary to the poor and preach them the word of God is my mission and vision.  

7 Religious consecration and Vows

7.1 Vow of Chastity

Chastity is the way of spiritual professed life. It helps me to be more spiritual man. Chastity is not only living virgin, it also belongs to my way of life how I abide by. My thoughts, my dress, using internet, mobile, TV. eating, speeches etc all these belong to chastity to me. It also helps me to be a chaste life.  Internally chaste in heart is a pure chaste for me. Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life of me. Living in Christ, I live in chaste life.  I consecrated my chaste life for the sake of the kingdom and to serve the people of God. It is chastity that makes intimate relationship with God and people. It riches and develops my spiritual heart.

7.2 Vow of poverty

 I have voluntarily chosen the poverty life. I love to live in poverty life. To live a poor life does not make down rather it makes me strong and powerful in my spiritual life. It is poverty that elevates my vocation life. I have chosen to live in poverty.  It is not only earthly poverty but poor in heart and humble with people. What I get how frugally I use those. It also belongs to my poverty life.

7.3 Obedience

Obedience is one the important vow in religious life. Jesus is the best example of obedience who come down as a man. He obeyed his father’s command; even he obeyed his father unto the cross. Christ’s food was ‘to do the will of the one who sent him’. Besides obedience to God, obedience to the superior is also important in religious life because he represents God. As much as possible I obey my superiors. I also obey my fellow scholastics brothers. Obedience is to respect to each other. It is also necessary obedient to my conscience and obedient to the word of God.  I am obedient to the God as well as to superiors. By obeying superiors, I serve the Lord. Obedience is one of the way to show love one another.  Jesus has shown his love to his father, by obeying Him.

7.4 Perseverance

Perseverance is the way of our life. What I have and know is no matter but how much I persevere to know is important. Perseverance in prayer, in vocation, in chastity, in obedience and in poverty which lead me to the perfection. I persevere in my prayer, studies , manual labor and obedience.

8  Academic education

I studied my primary school in Sohagpur Catholic Primary school. In the primary school, I always stood first. It is not that I was a good student forI studied regularly. After having finished my primary school, I went to Biroidakuni Boarding and got admitted in Biroidakuni High school run by Holy Cross brothers. I was mediocre student in the high school.  I got A- grade (3.56) in SSC. After my SSC exam I joined in the come and see programme of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate. I was selected and joined in the oblate and had one year intensive English course.  I studied Intermediate (IA) in Notre Dame College for 2 years. My result is 3.56 in HSC. I also studied BA (Bachelor of Arts) in the same college and I got standard second class. I am also doing well in Major seminary studies.  My exam average is 83. I am doing well in theology studies. Now I have completed 3 year theological studies.

9 Apostolic Experience

I commenced my pastoral/apostolic year in June 17, 2017 in the Luxmipur parish. It was a golden opportunity to have a divine experience with divine faithful. It was also a great privileged for me to abide with Rev. Fr. Robi Robert, omi, Fr. Paulus, omi and Fr. Sagor louise, omi who always assisted, guided and led me. They are individually and respectively great and inspirable oblate. They are labouring hard to evangelize the Good News to the poor in the spirit of oblate. I have intimately been living with them in Luxmipure for Six months, 17 June, 2017 to 19 Feb, 2018.  As an oblate apprentice I had meaningful and fruitful apostolic experiences with oblate priests and faithful. These apostolic experiences will guide, lead and help me after being an oblate religious priest and facilitate me to work with faithful in future in the parish. It was not an experience to convert the faithful rather to experience their faith in Jesus Christ. Deep faith of faithful has deepened my faith and vocation in oblate and constant conversion within me. Another six months I was with Fr. Soroj, omi and Fr. Sudhir, omi. It also was a unique and different experience with them and with indigenous community faithful in Mogaipar Parish. So I accumulated a rich apostolic experience in a year.

10 Manual labors

I like and love to do Manual labor. It is important to do manual labor in the seminary and it is minor contribution from my part to the seminary.  There is a spirituality of manual labor that helps me to grow in integrity. It also keeps my fit physically.  I enjoy doing manual labor here.

11 Health

I enjoy my health. I have a little bit problem with teeth erosion and sometimes urinary infection. I take care of my health.

Suggestion

Help me and us to grow in integral spiritual and help us to read the science of the time.  Be friend of us and help us really to a genuine oblate. Thank you for everything that you are helping us.